1. Splendor in the yellow sweet
dripping peach. Perfect, momentary.
Soil down, and up
white silhouettes—bugs through beams.
2. Whispering, “please, oh please” to air
or something fear cannot unbind
and if it hears a desperate plea, it is listening.
3. Intoxication because in the moments before
hitting the water
Icarus smiles at the sun.
4. Animal love.
5. The song that understands and how it seduces
over and over
until it is a lover we cannot be with
any longer.
6. A lighthouse casting a shivering slice
through undulating fog;
the mariner catching it in a glass sphere.
7. Pages and pages of crumbling yellowed words
my grandmother at eighteen
believes in crackling radio broadcasts.
8. The lover, how he stretches, and in his slumber
rests his hand upon the breast.
Now becomes tempered by certain impermanence.
Still, his dreams are a Grecian urn preserving her.
9. When dying words are unselfish,
such as,
“try to be happy,” or “smile, my love.”
10. When trees creak
like whale songs,
it becomes certain that without ears
the forest is still a symphony.
11. Awaking to snow
how it covers churning streets with impenetrable silence
and we play, for the first time in years.
12. The painter, how he cannot stop
with birds and feathers
plumage plucked from the wing of an osprey.
He considers himself from birds eye view.
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1 comment:
Complex, and certainly in need of more than two readings! However, here are some thoughts:
General:
1. Very interesting the varied length a and form of the numbered verses; there is lot of meaning generation going on just looking at how the verses contrast with each other, and how the form of each is contructed both in relationship to and juxtaposition to the others. I'll have to comment again on this as more here than I fit now! This being said, be prepared for a multitude of interpretations; once the reader gets hold of this who knows where she'll take it? I hope this is intentional, as abstract openendedness seems like a strength of yours. Otherwise, infuse more concrete imagery and concrete form.
2. I love that this is titled as an explanation b/c of the aforementioned abstract/openendness. Ironic, and playful with reader!
3. Think closely about punctuation: sometimes your writing feels heavy with it, and it slows down the reader. I'll be more specific later
4. keep in mind the dual nature of the gerund (verb and noun). Gerunds split time so make sure this is intentional. If you're thinking more about Active! then think about making more of your gerunds into straight forward verbs.
Verse by verse
1. Feels like two disconnected parts: love the imagery of yellow sweet dripping momentary, but disjunct with second half. Perhaps a way to connect them?
3. Beautiful imagery of icarus: I find myself wanting more!
4. This where form begins to grow in importance. Very intentional that 4. is only two words. I wrestle with the meaning here, which is not a bad thing if you mean to open up the readers mind for interpretation.
5. Shows your strength in the abstract. I have an image in my head of loving and listening to a song so much I have to stop listening to it!
8. For me, this passage desensitizes the breast. "THE BREAST" weighs heavy on me, objectifies, desentitizes the sensual and private.
Grecian urn is where you really capture the reader: hints at the intention and deeper meaning involved here. This poem makes me think of this line from Keats, "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on"
This is all I have for right now.
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