tunneling for channels in paneled funnels
[air gets in. same air is breath.]
funnels on fingertips and tips of tongues
and rumbling drums [those are ears]
the funnels in holes make small the big
and shoot out small as big like trumpets.
firing off funnel tipped wires with senses
like chemicals through the mill
tirelessly churning, always gathering
little bits no larger than a firefly;
[though despite being little, the firefly
steals your dreams and buzzes god's buzz-- they say].
tiny cargo traveling in bolts
(to be continued...)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
What is the significance of the channels in the funnel? Of course, you only mention channels once, but you draw added importance to it because it is the first line and because of the sound repetition in that line.
You describe the funnel well, small to large, large to small, etc.. However, you kind of lose me...not quite sure what the funnel is a metaphor for (I'll reread and see if I can dig deeper).
The longer piece of bracketed text also is a little awkward considering the earlier bracketed sections are short and sweet. But consider, as you craft this poem more and more fully, will you need narrate the poem with brackets?
so this is to be continued? Can't wait for the rest!
I love that poems gain depth and clarity the more you read them. The reader is truly rewarded for the effort!
I am now visualizing a finely contructed funnel covered in exact little panels. With channels between the panels? Interesting parallel as it seems the channels are more than that.
Permeable...breathable...like gore-tex?
Funnels as microscopic device for inspection of/entry into nerves/brain/mind: I know I'm a bit dry, but what the hey, I'm drawing a picture here.
Third Stanza: something of a recipricol connection between stimuli and interpretion...interesting indeed funnels fire off (like nerves firing off?) small becomes big...
Big Stanza moves away from form of first three.
A Mill and visual imagery of it working and spinning, and the gathering of fireflys, lose me here, god buzz bit a little awkward with language of rest of poem.
I like this line "tiny cargo traveling in bolts"!!!! but where does it go? I can't wait to read part 2!
Post a Comment